Coping with a crying pēpi (baby)

All babies cry and some cry a lot. Crying is one of the ways they try to tell you what they need. Sometimes it is easy to work out what they want, and sometimes it is not. Here are some tips to help you cope with a crying pēpi.

Why babies cry

Crying is how babies communicate. Sometimes they are telling you something is wrong. Sometimes they just want and need your attention. 

Often you will not be able to find a reason for your pēpi crying.

If your pēpi will not stop crying, look at our tips on crying.

Never, ever shake a baby

The number one reason babies are shaken is because their caregivers are angry or frustrated. 

Shaking a baby can cause:

  • permanent brain damage
  • paralysis
  • blindness
  • deafness
  • seizures
  • broken bones
  • developmental delay
  • death. 

The KidsHealth website has a video called Power to Protect. This video is about how to cope with the stress of a baby's crying, and what can happen if a baby is shaken.

Power to Protect — KidsHealth (external link)

If you think your baby has been shaken, get help straight away. Do not let fear or pride stop you. It could change your baby's life. 

Call 111 for urgent medical help.

Getting help

There are many people who can help you, including:

If you are worried, want to make a report of concern, or need general advice, you can call Oranga Tamariki on 0508 326 459

How to help a crying pēpi

Responding to your baby's crying will help them feel safe and secure.Your midwife or Well Child Tamariki Ora nurse will have lots of experience with crying babies. Talk to them about how to calm your pēpi. Here are some ideas.

  • Cuddle your pēpi.
  • Try offer them another feed. 
  • Change their nappy if it is wet or dirty. 
  • Make sure your baby's clothing is not too tight.
  • Make sure your baby is not too hot or cold. 
  • Burp them — wind pain can be very uncomfortable. 
  • Put them down somewhere safe for a sleep. 
  • Massage their back and sing, hum or talk. 
  • Give them a warm, soothing bath. 
  • Put them in the stroller and go for a walk, or in a car seat for a short drive. 

What to do when babies cry — KidsHealth (external link)

If you are worried your pēpi is unwell, contact your midwife, doctor or well child provider.

Never leave your pēpi alone with someone you think might lose control.

Keeping your pēpi safe

Have a plan of what you will do if your pēpi keeps crying and you become upset or angry.

Walk away

If you are holding your pēpi, put them in a safe place and walk away. Leave the room. 

Take a break 

Check pēpi often, but do not pick them up until you feel calm. 

Trying doing something that usually relaxes you. 

Talk to someone 

Call a friend or whānau member to give you a break. Do not be embarrassed. It is okay to know when you have reached your limit.

What can you do when your baby cries? — KidsHealth (external link)